I've been struggling with the awareness of my desire to bring closure to past SAIC studio projects. I think the struggle creates tension in my mind because connect a projection of what a completed project feels like and looks like with an amount of investment. In view of this investment I see an unrealistic and unattainable goal, not to mention that in this projected fruition, I doubt whether the culmination of all the work would be worth the effort, because the work flow is so insular and teamless. Secondly, on a spiritual level, this projection makes me feel like I'm acting out of selfish ambition, not for gods glory. However, I cannot sat whether life can be purely one or the other, or know truthfully that I am totally selfish, or totally god- honoring. Perhaps this points to the usefulness of faith, and the denial of doubt... In any case I think that this morning I had a breakthrough by realizing that the sense of closure that I so desperately desire can be found by understanding the benefit of exploiting a process, and in doing so creating a more honest, realistic set of goals.....